Vain

Have u ever been in a situation where you feel numb, kosong and tak tau nak berbuat apa-or u feel that the earth just stop revolving surround you an u stuck in your place struggling for air and feeling helpless?this is what i feel now, that's y i havent blog for quite sometimes, so many things inside my head..here's the list:

-i need to buy my own car, since our office will be moving to PJ in August-no more carpool with hubby as what we are practising now. No carepool meaning no share,no share meaning i need to bear with all the cost yg selama ni ditanggung oleh hubby by myself i.e fuel, tol, breakfast..which is also mean masa enjoy dan bersuka ria hidup tiada tanggungan sudah berakhir-i already calculate the cost if i need to buy my own car, car instalment, fuel, tol (we are talking bout pj and federal highway here,u can imagine the massive jem there rite) plus the other financial commitent i'm having rite now..bape sen yg tinggal huhu,nak beli spenda scarlet jaya jusco 3 seploh hengget pun tak lepas..

-we are in the midst of buying our own house, byknya la nak pakai duit!!sbb tu aku rasa sesak nafas bila pikir pasal nak kena beli kereta satu lg-and the process of buying a house is not as easy as what we always think-agent la,lawyer la, insuran, title, mrta,deposit 10% bla bla..boleh tak kalau process tu tak memeningkan?dah la pening,leceh plak tu,deal ng byk org,so byk la cite2 kuar..err actually hubby lagi kesian, dia yg byk deal sana sini pikir itu ini kuar duit sumer,aku tumpang pening je la...

-rumah kt muar dah 3-4 kali banjir masuk air. Before ni tak pernah air masuk camni-mmg la tak banjir mcm dlm tv tu air masuk paras tingkap sumer,but still air masuk paras buku lali and byk gak keje2 mengangkut nak kena buat-2-3 kali plak tu jadik dlm masa sebln,sian mak abah penat, dah la dah tua,abah cpt sakit pinggang..this thing happened sbb developer yg naikkan tanah sebelah rumah aku buat residential area tak buat proper drainage system, terus rumah aku jadik pusat takungan air-kalau aku single lain cite,tergerak hati nak blk rumah tlg mak abah aku boleh blk jer,tp skang lain,komitmen byk,ng anak lg,suami lg..how laa..aku tak keruan kt sini ni..

-talking bout rumah muar banjir, my parents will renovate 50% of the house so that next time tak banjir lg and the cost is err quite mahal,dan di kala kakak2 lain ada menghulur duit riban riban kt mak abah (they never ask for it but atas kesedaran anak nak bg) aku hanya mampu menghulurkan kata2 semangat everytime ckp ng mak abah psl rumah banjir,akak tak mampu nak bg riban2-i feel so bad..

-aku menghadapi masalah tekak puaka skang ni, asikla nak mkn western esp pasta kt piccolo mondo and any other mouth watering main course yg di offer-tetiba aku jadi mengada, di saat2 nak kena belajar berjimat cermat dan komited pd tanggungan kewangan, time ni la aku nak berperut buaya dan bertekak puaka, apsal aku ni wei

-the most bothering issue dlm kepala skang ialah company dah masukkan nama aku to attend training kt bangkok selama 5 hari..bunyi mcm bestkan?tetapi tidak memberi apa2 makna kalau aku kena pegi pd hari raya ke-2,tak ke sakit ati tu?dah la tiap2 tahun aku mmg tunggu kedtgn raya sbb nk mkn sedap2 (ahh dan skang tetiba aku terasa nak mkn ketupat ng kuah lodeh campur sambal kacang beserta rendang daging pekena dgn air oren,mana la aku nak korek ni) then dpt berjln rumah sedara mara, pastu turn blk muar lak tu thn ni, time ni la kau busuk ati nak hantar aku gi training-apsal taknak hantar aku masa training bln 3 aritu?kau mmg dengki ngan aku kan jepun?dasar selipar jepun..

mental block nya.