Bubbles of Life

Life is what life is

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Penyesalan seorang Mommy..

Menyesal…

Sangat-sangat menyesal...

Yesterday, i did something really bad to irina and to give a think bout it is really tearing my heart apart…semlm,aku like a mad dog, rephrase a mad DOG yelling n shouting at my baby irina while drove my way to hubby’s office.. God..pls help me..i’m now feeling so bad and regret, I just can keep and swallow all these feeling inside me and now the guilty emotion is really eating me out and it really drives me crazy, so now I decide to just let the feeling out here in my blog dgn aku tanpa segan silu mengaku diri ini telah berperangai keji..

Meh nak rewind perlakuan buruk seorg mommy semlm:

My babe was not well, so I took EL yesterday. U know la baby bila demam of coz cranky skit..so aku mmg betul2 gave my best layan n jaga irina, even masa tido pun I hug n comfort her so that she will feel safe with me-dia start buat perangai pas bgn tido around 4pm,she just cried out loud without reason- the grouchy behaviour is like an endless list…
-insist nak mkn mr potato even tonsil bengkak
-menumpahkan semua mr potato yg diletak dlm mangkuk ke atas carpet, purposely..
-taknak pakai diaper n baju, hanya mahu bertelanjang bulat saja
-meng’conquer’ remote, handfon n apa shj gadget di tgn mommy
-tak mahu menyikat rambut
-the best part,nak duduk dlm stroller sambil menonton tv

So masa ni I sabaaaar je,layaaaaan kan je-then I drove to fetch hubby kat opis berdua dgn irina all the way from puchong to s alam..dgn ujan lebatnya, jln jam..so of coz I need to put more concentratration n be extra careful, ye la kan bawak anak ni,dah la irina taknak duduk kat carseat, she just sat at the passenger seat terbontang mcm tu jer-then she started to buat perangai..dekat Kesas lg dah nangis depa tgn mintak mommy dukung then I pujuk2 n comfort her sambil tunjuk sana sini,tunjuk bird la (celahmananya ada bird tgh ujan lebat), tunjuk wiper yg laju pusing kiri kanan, tunjuk lori mcm2 la to attract her attention but she got distracted only for a while after that dia start balik-dia tendang2 gear sampai gear tertuka D2, tu ok lagi, part yg aku tak thn bila irina start membaling pacifier dan babybear dia ke lantai keta pastu menjerit2 nangis suruh mommy ambil “mommy teng,mommmy baby bear!” yg dah tergolek kat lantai..so masa keta idle only I managed to free the gear n terbongkok2 cari puting n babybear irina-1st,2nd..masuk 3rd time irina buat, I really cannot control my anger anymore-dahla ujan lebat, traffic very packed n slow, then bila dia baling pacifier aku tgk pacifier tu atas stoking futsal hubby!eeeee!!takde air nak basuh n the baby really insisted that ‘contaminated’ pacifier to be stuffed inside her mouth-masa ni la mommy like ARGGHHHH @#$#%*&!!@@#%#$^*^$q$!!i yelled n really shouted at her sampai dia shocked n menangis kuat..poor my baby,sampai skang aku teringat2 muka irina masa dia nangis lps aku tertengking cried my name ‘mommy mommy’ ..gosh..baby,I’m so sorry sayang n mommy really love u.. bila pikir2 blk skang ni aku rasa mcm nak nangis..n the worst part was aku terslap tgn dia masa dia tunjuk2 babybear mintak tlg ambikkan, dia nangis sambil pegang tgn dia yg aku 'ter'pukul tu..arghhh..serious I feel really bad now…

I know I’m so poor when it comes to anger management, aku mmg dr dulu mcm bad-tempered skit,but I aku pernah berazam yg aku takkan garang ng anak2 aku,I want to be the best n sporting mom to my child, and soft-spoken too..tp mcm tak je skang ni..in fact hubby lg berlembut dgn irina berbanding aku-ntah la ek,sbb aku stress ke?or sbb aku penat mengurus rumahtangga compared to hubby?sbb tu dia boleh control hangin dia..i’m so baaaaad..tadi called my bestfren, ngadu dgn dia, she advised me that masa anak tgh mamai2 nak tido tu, kita bisikkkan kat dia like ‘I’m sorry n I love u’ kat telinga anak,according to her,something to do with subconscious mind yg mana kata2 kita akan meresap kat hati anak n dia akan ingat..hmm..something like that..anyone know bout this?

So..Ibu2 di luar sana, adakah ibu2 juga sebegini atau saya seorg yg berperangai sekeji ini terhadap anak?sekiranya saya seorg shj yg berperangai seburuk ini, di harap anda tidak memandang keji dan hina sebaliknya silalah membimbing dan menasihati saya..

Nama saya Iman Irina. Saya sedang menunjuk perasaan

Sekian..

9 Comments:

Blogger noha chomel said...

alahai mar, some mommies are like that, aku pun termasuk gak...huhuhu....

biasa la tu, bila sampai tahap tak tercontrol emotion, tu yg bley tertengking la, tercubit la, terlempang ke...iiskk...melampau tuhh...heheh

the rite things is, bila dah 'terbuat' tu, what u do is, bila semuanya dah calm down, cakap kat irina, ko tak sengaja buat semua tu, dan bagi dia nasihat eg, "mommy bukan sengaja nak marah irina, but u have to behave urself, kalau mommy marah pun mesti ada sebab"

well, maybe at that time, she will not understand at all but the explanation is very important. thats shows that we care and regrat perhaps.

dont feel sorry, sometimes mmg kena buat macam tu, berlembut sgt pun, kang naik lemak la pulak. lembut2 pun mesti firm gitu, macam kata sorang blogger tu, mendidik anak macam memegang sabun, pegang kuat sgt, terlepas sebab licin, pegang just nice lembut, tapi firm, u got it??

pasal subconscious mind thingy tu, i agreed! in fact, jgn buat kat anak je, buat kat hubby sekali, and u will suprise bila ko cakap2 macam tu, they will response immediately! macam aku selalu buat kat Nurin, aku akan kata " i love u baby" dlm dok mamai tak buka mata tu, boleh je dia membalas " i love mama"...it so sweet tau, maybe dah selalu sgt cakap macam tu, so bila dalam keadaan tak sedar dia pun bole bals, and try that to ur hubby tu...cuba dgr apa dia reply?? heheh...

so, i understand the whole things and pls dont feel that u r bad mommy, u did the very best!

11:35 AM  
Anonymous xura said...

laaa... ciannye irina nih.. part tendang2 gear tu mmg sebijik cam aiman. tgh drive, alih2 je N. sabo je lah..

hmm... kalo kita tgh stress, penat, mmg cam tu. out of control. mulut cepat je nk tengking. tgn cpt je nk cepuk. tp lps tu pujuk lah blk anak tu...

kdg2 budak2 ni diorg feel guilty gak sbb tu lps kena tengking tu, kdg2 panggil2 kita, peluk kita lah, nk mintak belai.

btw, take it easy.. irina mesti tau mommy dia marah sbb sygkn dia!

12:19 PM  
Blogger mommy@lif said...

alahaii.. kalau marah anak sket dah kira kejam.. what makes me then?

mommamia, i pon pernah marah anak jugak.. nak kena lentur dari buluh kan? cuma wrong timing la irina buat hal tuh.. kalau masa u tgh happy² sure tak meletup kan? nway noha cakap tuh buat i pon terpikir la..next time pegang sabun elok²

shiannnn irina. meh auntie peluk meh :)

3:56 PM  
Blogger mommamia said...

Noha:alahai,kiasan 'pegang sabun' tu mmg mendlm la maknanya,mmg betul..tu la noha,mmg pun kang kalu berlembut sgt naik lemak plak anak,tak mkn saman,tp aku takut effect psychology dia lak kang,mommy asik marah2 tengking..ish aku aritu bkn marah biase,marah biase tu mmg slalu dah pun hihi, tp yg ni mmg aku 'tertengking',kuat gila mcm aku menegking org besar,pdhal budak baru sethn 8 bln..tu yg buat aku nyesal tu..so,mmg nak try la kaedah bisik2 ni,try kat hubby?ok gak kan,sekali tu kuar lak nama pompuan lain!hihi

Zura:mmg la zura,budak2 mmg paham kita marah n geram sbb lps tu dia nangis sibukla panggil kita,mintak dukung la,mintak hug la hihi,aiman pun camtu ye?hah bab2 mencepuk mmg mar cepat esp bila irina sengaja tumpahkan apa2..eee..mmg tak sabar..tp tu la mar rasa mar ni garang ng irina,slalu gak terpikir mar je ke sorang yg garang mcmni,mana tau ibu2 lain sentiasa berlembut je ng anak dia,tu yg cuak n rasa berslh tu..

Mommyalif:hihi,u pun garang ng alif ke?ala,mcm tak jer,u look soft gitu..mesti alif jarang kena ng u-terasa lega lak baca ayat u tulis 'melentur buluh biar la dr rebung',hopefully for all these while i'm doing the right thing,segala marahan, cepukan, beliakan mata..hihi,ye la nak mengajar anak,takut kang dia jadik spoilt,tp kes tengking ni i admit yg i a bit melampau..i'll try to change

5:02 PM  
Blogger ~chiconas~ said...

Marah tak apa... tapi yg memujuk pon kena org yang sama.. baru budak tu paham yg kita marah sebab mende salah and still kita sayangkan dia. Make sure kalau you yang marah, you yang pujuk... tapi kalau you marah orang lain yang pujuk...kes bahaya... budak makin tak dgr kater.. sebab dia akan pikir kalau you marah dia ade org yg akan backup dia.. spoilt!!

subconscious mind its working... tak kira apa kes pon.. for example kalau you balik kerja anak dah tidor (kes tak sempat jumpa la ni..) kiss + hug anak & cakap sayang dia & rindu dia... inter-soul/heart communication...

4:57 PM  
Blogger mommamia said...

chiconas,u sounded like a very experience mother,by the way,thanks for all the advices,and frankly i applied it already!i marah then tak kasik hubby pujuk,i let her cried first,i tak pujuk dulu biar dia tau i tak suka apa dia buat then lama sikit i pujuk and talk to her slowly,then hug n kiss her...mcm tu kan cikgu?:)

6:09 PM  
Blogger julia_B said...

opps..
seem like u really regret....
to what u've done to Irina...

Normal lah tu MAr..
rase semua mama camtuh....
stop feeling soo sad....

just assume u just want
to teach her...
from what is right and..
what is wrong....

10:09 AM  
Blogger julia_B said...

opps..
seem like u really regret....
to what u've done to Irina...

Normal lah tu MAr..
rase semua mama camtuh....
stop feeling soo sad....

just assume u just want
to teach her...
from what is right and..
what is wrong....

10:09 AM  
Blogger mommamia said...

Huhu,mmg aku regret Ju,ala bkn aku tak pernah marah,marah tu slalu tp yg dlm keta tu mmg aku menengking mcm aku tengking org besar,pastu aku siap hentak2 stereng lg,hape2 je aku aritu pikir2 blk gila nyesal, apa la budak besar irina tu pahamkan,takpe la aku skang nak try kawal amarah,but strict tetap strict..didik anak gitu hihi

10:52 AM  

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